"That's Cordelia—Cordy," Anne said softly, stroking Connor's arm. "She won't hurt us."
Cordelia stood, walking over to Anne and Connor slowly. She stopped before she reached them, letting Connor be the one to approach her. He didn't let go of Anne's hand even as he sniffed Cordelia, his brow wrinkling as if he were thinking.
"Do you remember her?" Anne asked.
Connor looked at Cordelia for a moment longer and then stepped back. Anne couldn't tell if he recognized her or not, but he didn't seem to think she was a threat, so that was good enough for the moment.
"How is he?" Cordelia asked. "I'm guessing not very vocal…"
Anne shook her head. "He's said my name a couple of times, but that's all. Other than that, I've been having to communicate non-verbally, though I'm talking anyway. I'm not sure he can understand me, but figure it can't hurt. And I don't like the silence."
"But saying your name is a good thing," Cordelia said. "It means he does remember something. How is he otherwise? Laura came down earlier—on her way out the door, thank god—and she said he was violent."
"Laura did leave? Best news I've gotten in a while," Anne replied. "And he's not…overly violent. Laura came in to the room this morning. She wanted to take Connor away to some sort of mental hospital."
Cordelia snorted. "Over her dead body."
"Pretty much my thoughts exactly. We argued about it, and then she tried to push me out of the way to get to Connor. He…didn't like that." Anne paused for a moment before she added quickly. "But he didn't really hurt her. He stopped when I told him to."
"It makes sense that he'd attack if he saw her push you," Cordelia said. "Especially in light of where he's been. It's obvious that even if everything else is pretty hazy, he remembers you and what you mean to him, and he's going to want to protect you."
"He's been fairly subdued otherwise," Anne said. "Fairly gentle and…" She stopped, blushing.
Cordy smirked. "It's okay. I'm aware of what you two have been up to in there. It was, um, pretty obvious."
The color drained from Anne's face. "Oh god. Was I loud? I just…he was all 'grr' and I… Oh hell, my parents…"
"Are all the way on the other side of the hotel," Cordelia assured her. "Your father sorta insisted."
"Preemptive move then?"
"Probably. Out of earshot, out of mind."
Anne blushed again. "And on that rather embarrassing note, Connor's hungry. What's there to eat around here?"
"The kitchen's this way," Cordelia said. "There's not much in there because I'm not exactly a chef and Angel, well, you know, the blood thing, but there's some stuff."
Anne glanced over at Connor. "I'm sure it's better than what he has been eating."
Cordelia responded to that with a slight grimace. "I can't stand to think of him having to suffer through that place. One trip to hell was more than enough for him."
"Me, too," Anne said softly. "And…and he did it for me."
"Anne, it isn't your fault."
"People keep saying that, and it's yet to feel true."
"Connor obviously doesn't blame you," Cordelia said softly. "If he did, I doubt he'd have that grip on your hand right now."
Anne looked down at their hands for a moment before she looked back up at Cordelia. "Maybe he doesn't remember."
"It wouldn't make a difference." Cordelia took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You're what Connor's been looking for his whole life, Anne. All he's ever really wanted is someone to love him, and you do. And because of that, he'd face Hell and worse for you."
"But those demons were after me. I was the one they wanted to get rid of. Everything that happened to him when he was gone, that made him like he is now, is because of me." Anne swallowed, and tears stung her eyes as she spoke.
"If one of you had to suffer, Connor didn't want it to be you, Anne," Cordelia said.
Anne felt Connor's hand that wasn't holding hers rest on her shoulder. She turned and looked at him and he moved his hand to her face, wiping her tears away with his thumb. The gentle gesture made her cry harder, and Connor pulled her close before throwing an almost helpless look over her shoulder at Cordelia.
He still didn't know why his mate kept crying…
"You said you wanted to find something to eat?" Cordelia said after a moment, getting Anne's attention again.
Anne sniffed, pulled away from Connor and wiped her eyes. "Yeah. Connor needs to eat something."
"You should eat, too, sweetie," Cordelia said. "You don't want to run yourself down."
Anne nodded, her hand interlaced with Connor's again as they followed Cordelia to the kitchen.
*** *** ***
Cordelia found bread and meat to make sandwiches, and the three of them sat down to eat together. Connor watched Anne before he started eating, making a quick study of what she did before he picked up his own sandwich.
They ate in silence for a while until Anne broke it, asking, "Do you think he'll stay like this? I mean, he knew how to talk and everything at some point. Is it going to come back to him, or is he going to have to relearn it all?"
"I don't know," Cordelia replied. "For one thing, we don't know how long he was there, and with the way his body is resistant to aging, there's no real way to tell. The easiest thing to do would be to bring his older memories forward, make it so memories of last week don't seem like years ago anymore. Theoretically, all that knowledge should still be in there, just buried under all the other stuff."
"And why am I guessing that is not as easy as it sounds?" Anne asked.
"Because it isn't. I've been researching memory spells that could do just that all morning, and they certainly exist, but there's a catch—Connor's had his memories tampered with in the past in a big way. Memory restructuring spells are not something to deal with lightly, and too many of them can cause permanent damage to a person. Connor has so many fake memories as well as memories placed on top of memories that trying to shift anything around could very easily make everything worse."
Anne sighed heavily, her shoulders sagging. "Well, damn. And what do you mean by memories placed on top of memories?"
"That's another downside of memory spells," Cordelia replied. "Especially memory restructuring. Some things place such a deep mark on a person's psyche that they can't just be erased. When Connor's memories were altered, certain memories had to be shifted instead of re-written entirely. Something had to be there as like a placeholder for whatever marks they'd left mentally, but at the same time, it had to be a memory that would fit in with his other new memories, otherwise it would throw the whole thing off kilter." Cordelia paused for a moment, clearing her throat. "For example, Connor had memories from when he was about five years old of Holtz tying him to a tree and leaving him in order to 'teach' Connor how to track."
Anne interrupted Cordelia with a gasp, her hand going to her mouth. "How…how could anyone do that to a child?"
"I'm at as much of a loss to explain it as you are, but you can probably guess that sort of thing would leave a mark. The event itself could be forgotten with the right amount of magick, but the emotional scars could be at best lessened. So in his fabricated set of memories, Connor remembers getting separated from his family in a department store. Not nearly as high on the trauma scale, but still enough to cause similar sort of emotional memories. But since his real memories were brought back and are now existing along side the fabricated ones, it's, well, sort of a mess in there. Connor's obviously managed to balance them enough that he can function, but if we were to go in there and tweak his memories some more, it could upset that balance and cause a complete mental breakdown."
Anne turned to Connor and caressed his arm gently. "He's been through so much. I…I just want him to be okay."
"We'll find another way, Anne. I've been looking into figuring out how to make his memories resurface more gradually as opposed to an instantaneous switch around. That might make it so his mind could adjust to another restructuring."
"And that wouldn't hurt him anymore?"
"I won't do it if I'm not positive it won't do any serious physical damage to him. That's the last thing I want, too," Cordelia said.
"Do you want me to help you with the research?" Anne asked.
"No. At least some of the others will be up soon, and they can do it. The best thing you can do right now is just take care of Connor."
Shortly after Cordelia spoke, Angel walked into the kitchen, causing Connor to turn sharply towards him, his body tensing. Angel approached him slowly, holding his hand out towards his son. "I won't hurt you, Connor. I'm your father."
Connor was still tense as he stood and warily approached Angel. Angel moved closer then and Connor jumped back, growling. The hurt on Angel's face was clear, even as he tried quickly to mask it.
Anne got up from the table, going to Connor and placing her hand against his back. "It's okay, Connor. Angel's, uh...good."
"Did you have to hesitate there?" Angel asked her.
"Hey, I'm trying," Anne replied. "Saying nice things about you is new territory for me." She took Connor's hand, guiding it over to Angel's so he was touching his father's arm. "See? It's Angel. You remember Angel." She looked at the vampire then. "You know, maybe he does and that's why he's growling."
Angel glared at her. "Very funny."
Connor caught the look Angel gave Anne and snatched his hand away, growling again. Anne barely repressed a smirk. "Guess you gotta be nice to me."
Angel grimaced before forcing a smile. "I like Anne—but, uh, not too much. I won't hurt her anyway."
Anne rubbed Connor's arm. "It's okay, really." She looked back at Angel. "Hey, at least he seems to like you better than Laura."
"Somehow, that does very little to make me feel better," Angel replied. "Where is Laura anyway?"
"She left," Cordelia said. "She was real cheery on her way out the door, too." She rolled her eyes.
"As long as she's gone," Angel said. He looked at his son. "Did something happen with her and Connor?"
"She pushed me," Anne said. "Connor reacted. He didn't hurt her, though. I told him to stop and he did."
Angel crossed his arms over his chest. "Well, I guess it's probably good you stopped him. Knowing Laura, she'd call the cops."
"She wanted to send Connor off to the loony bin," Anne told him. "She was trying to get him out of here when it happened."
Angel's eyes narrowed. "She better have dropped that idea. She tries to do that to my son, and I'll be the one who hurts her."
"I'll hold her for you," Anne offered.
Connor had relaxed during Anne and Angel's conversation, observing them and seeing that Angel didn't seem to be threatening Anne in any way. Angel turned when he felt Connor's hand on his arm, and looked down at his son. "Connor?"
Connor's gaze jumped up to his father's face and he looked at him quizzically.
"I'm really not going to hurt you, son."
Connor took a step back from Angel, but he didn't seem as hostile towards him anymore, and Angel took that as a good sign. "How has he been?" Angel asked Anne.
"Well, I'm pretty sure he's lost most of his language skills, though he did say my name, so that's better than nothing. Except for when Laura was in there, he's been basically calm, too."
"He let you clean him up," Angel said, noting Connor's cleaner appearance than from the night before.
"Yeah. He didn't even fight me when I got rid of the beard," Anne replied. "He's balked a little a couple of times, and he wouldn't let me leave the room without him, but he's basically been letting me do what I need to do to take care of him."
"He trusts you," Angel said, a small flash of hurt in his eyes.
"He'll trust you again, too," Anne said. "He just needs a little more time."
"Connor never trusted me," Angel replied. "This is actually a warmer reception than the one he gave me the last time he came out of a hell dimension."
"What did he do then?"
"Tried to kill me."
"Oh." Anne shrugged. "I can see where you'd inspire that response."
Angel gave Anne a dirty look. "Very funny."
"I amused myself with it," Anne replied with a smirk. "Besides, I don't think I can keep from making snarky comments with you, Angel. It's like…programmed into my DNA or something." She took Connor's hand and tugged on it lightly. "I'm going to bring him back upstairs. I think it's for the best if he has as much quiet as possible right now. He's still pretty…jumpy."
"Let us know if you need anything, Anne," Cordelia said before Angel could respond, taking her place at the vampire's side.
"I will." Anne smiled slightly before walking out of the kitchen, Connor following her closely.
Angel sighed as he watched them go.
*** *** ***